The GNR.

I DID IT! I freaking did it.

For those of you who live under a rock; the GNR stands for the Great North Run. 13.1 miles of absolute torture. That is, if you're like me and do no training for it. Apparently it's a bit of a family tradition; my Dad did a half-marathon, my Uncle a marathon, and both did it with no training. Shows that our family are absolute legends, or absolute idiots. From the pain I'm feeling right now, I'm going to go with the latter.

Got an interview tomorrow, in this state, I'm going to end up walking in looking like I've pooed myself; not a great first impression. Hopefully all the prep I've been doing for it today will make more of an impact on them than my strange walk. Well that's the plan. 

Back to the GNR; admittedly, the atmosphere was pretty epic (who wouldn't love watching the Red Arrows fly overhead with Top Gun's 'Danger Zone' blaring out of the speakers and people giving you free food), however, did I enjoy it? Not one bit. Almost definitely down to my decision to do zero training but even if I had done some(never going to happen), long distance running is not for me. The bit I enjoyed the most was sprinting the last 200m. Running slowly is unnatural; why would you purposely not run as fast as possible? At least that's ticked off my bucket list, never to be re-visited. And for all you non-believers who thought I wouldn't manage it; do one. I did it, I hated it, I didn't do it well and I won't be able to walk properly for a week, but I did it. And for a good cause. Massive thank you to everyone who did believe in me and who's sponsored/is going to sponsor me - you guys kick ass. If you hadn't sponsored me there's no way I'd have managed it, the only reason I kept going was because I didn't want to let you guys down, so major kudos!

Now, onto my next venture; getting a job. I say next venture, it's pretty much THE venture at the minute. At least this one won't physically impair me (hopefully). So, job interview tomorrow, another possible interview this week. I don't think I'm a particularly awful interviewee, what with all my interview experience, which is painfully limited. Will be going through some questions and such with the parents tonight. Making sure I don't make a complete fool out of myself when they throw me the standard 'vague-and-almost-impossible-to-answer' question.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. I'd do it myself but my body hurts too much.

The Ramble.

My head's swimming with thoughts.

So much going on in my less-than-average sized head. Some of it's work related; I've got a couple of options at the minute but I don't know what to do. And no-one else can help me make the decision so why I'm writing about it I don't know. Options are good, I know this, and normally I'm fantastic at making decisions (modesty is a strong point as you can tell). I make a decision, usually pretty swiftly, and I know that I've made the right choice. As cliché as it sounds, and as painful as it is for me to write; I know in my heart that I've made the right decision.  For me at least. I guess that means I should just chill out and make a decision, I haven't proven myself wrong yet; famous last words.

Ironic, you might think, that it took me 3 years to make the decision to leave uni. But at that point leaving hadn't been an option I'd really thought of, therefore there wasn't really a decision to make. Now I'm going to move on from all this cringeyness. It's getting a bit too deep for my liking.

So here's a little list of random things.

5 things I know:

1. I'm actually really enjoying writing this. As sad as it is, if something mildly interesting happens during the day I automatically wonder how I'll write about it in this. NB wonder is pronounced 'won-duh' NOT 'one-duh' - massive pet hate, it's my way or you're wrong - you know who you are.
2. I love cheese. Quote from my Dad: 'If I couldn't eat cheese, I'd kill myself.' Agreed; life definitely wouldn't be worth living.
3. Real life is tiring. 
4. My older, and apparently wiser, sister is a bit of a legend. That's public praise, to counteract this act of kindness I'm going to have to be mean to her for the next year, balance things out and all that.
5. I can't think of a fifth one. Always the way.

Apologies for the randomness/uselessness of all this chat. I want to talk about the work side of things but I don't want to jinx myself at the minute, hopefully next week I'll have some idea of what I'll be doing. Either that or I'll have tried, and massively failed, the Great North Run, and won't be around to make any choices. Both are equally likely. 

The Quickie.

I think my arms are about to drop off.

Had hockey training last night. Haven't played properly in 3 years; my body can tell. Standard aching occurring right now; arms, legs and bum. What isn't so standard is the back ache I've got. Apparently you use your back muscles in hockey, muscles which I clearly don't have any more. Question is, do I really want back muscles? Possibly not. Don't think the Jodie Marsh look would suit my vertically challenged frame. Alas, I enjoy hockey, so bring on the back muscles (apologies to the boyfriend who probably isn't too keen on back muscles). 

Speaking of fitness, or lack of. I'm doing the Great North Run on Sunday, if this is how I feel after doing an hour of hockey training, how exactly am I going to feel after that? Not too great, is my answer. Probably should have done a bit more training. Or any training really. 

I've been told to put in a bit more about my personal life. So there you have it: I play hockey and am amazingly not ready for the hell that will be Sunday. That's personal enough for now. 

Apologies for the lack of structure/rubbish spelling and grammar in this one but it's late, and I haven't done one in a while so felt it necessary even if it's not so eloquently put as the others (ha). Been non-stop this past week. Standard job/volunteering stuff going on as well as family and friends escapades. I'm so busy these days my friends are finding out about my life via this (hi friends).There literally aren't enough hours in the day to do things. I don't think I'd have time for a job at the minute. Massive lie; I need a job. Desperately.

Think I've possibly got something sorted (fingers crossed) but won't discuss until I know for certain; as little pressure as possible and all that jazz. 

Also, went to a meeting about some admin volunteering today, think I've got that sorted now. Apparently for admin jobs you need admin experience but you can't get experience without having had a job. That age old crappy circle. So hopefully this'll give me the experience I need.

Had another English class tonight - few more people turned up. Really enjoying it but it's haaaard. I haven't done English properly in so long, going to knuckle down with the homework tomorrow evening. Yes, I have homework.

As I may not make it through the weekend - it was nice knowing you.

The Class (noun).

Went to my first English class yesterday.

Learnt all about the different word classes; hence the pretentious title. I should probably say re-learnt. I really should remember all this stuff from GCSE but it was 5 years ago and I have an absolutely shocking memory when it comes to anything of importance. Future employers; please disregard that last sentence.

Also, they talked about 'blended learning'; it sounds very strange to me. I think it's supposed to suggest that we learn in different ways, i.e. listen in class, use the internet, notes, etc. Sounds to me like another one of those silly terms that are completely unnecessary but, someone somewhere made up, and now we have to say it. Cheers for that, whoever you are. 

I'd like to point out that I did actually really enjoy it and know it's going to be amazingly beneficial to me but writing about happy and positive things is quite hard when you're as sarcastic as I am. 

Onto a more serious note, getting slightly frustrated at the lack of work coming my way; although no news is good news. Apparently.

Helped out at a local school today (and yes I am CRB checked), being the good samaritan that I am. Went to check my phone at the end of the day only to find a voicemail about a job. Got a bit excited, rang back only to be told it was a telesales job, not a great job but a job. However, whilst on the phone, the person then decided to actually take a look at my CV and realised I had no previous telesales experience therefore wouldn't be suitable for said job. Would've been more beneficial to them and me if they'd done that before they'd decided to give me a ring, but hey ho. Probably dodged a bullet if the rest of the company is as well organised as that.

So all in all, very little progress. Although I have learnt a few more ways to reject someone politely, always useful I guess.

The Rejection.

I received my first rejection today. 

I applied for the position about a month ago, just a standard admin job, completely slipped my mind. Went downstairs this morning, picked up the post, found a couple of letters addressed to me, one looked important; got excited, only to read 'I regret that...'.

To be fair, I should be grateful they actually took the time out to reject me. Most people just never get back in touch. So thanks, I think.

As it's the first rejection I'm not offended, upset, annoyed, etc. If it had been a job I was crazy about then things might be different. I'm sure after the 20th rejection (fingers crossed I get a job before that point) I might feel all of the above.

However, I am starting to feel slightly panicky. Why won't anyone hire me? Bearing in mind I've only properly been applying for jobs a week and most places won't get back to you for a couple of weeks so this panic is completely irrational.

My solution for said panic; go to a recruitment agency and beg for a job. Well, I did the first part, however, I did not beg. I couldn't stress enough the fact that I would do anything, literally, anything. The agency person told me that most jobs around my area are mainly picking/packing and factory work - my internal reaction; 'oh joy', my external reaction; 'that's absolutely fine, I'll do anything'.

So I'm sucking it up and not being picky. It better pay off.

The Interview.

Had my first interview yesterday (the first of many I'm sure). Nervous? Slightly. Clammy hands? Definitely.

It was, quite possibly, the most informal interview ever.

I turn up, wearing a black skirt and white shirt; standard interview clothes, only to find all the employees wandering around in jeans and t-shirts. I've never felt so over-dressed in my life. However, rocking up to an interview in jeans and a tee; probably not the wisest decision.

Went alright, don't think I rambled too much or offended anyone - always a good move. Had to fill out another form and did a little test afterwards to make sure I wasn't a compete thicko (thank you to my parents for sending me to a decent school, appreciate it). Awkward if I failed it.

Next on the list was to sign up for an evening A-Level English course to get my study on. Ironic you might think, considering I was hating my course, but that was Maths, a completely different kettle of fish. Over 3 hours of pure English one night a week - bring it on.

All in all, a productive day.

Definitely not regretting my decision yet, I'm sure I'll get to that stage soon enough, That'll probably come next week after I've been to my first English class.

The Intro.

So I'm new to blogging. I'm new to talking about things. This is going to be fun.

Let's start with the basics. I went to secondary school, did my GCSEs, took my A-Levels, went to uni. For me and my friends this was the natural progression. It's what you did, it's what you do. Stay in education as long as possible; you'll never get a decent job without a good degree, and without a decent job you won't be happy.

How ironic then, that going to uni has been, without a doubt, the most unhappy experience of my life. Don't get me wrong, the social aspect of it was unforgettable and definitely a worthwhile experience. However, the main reason for going to university, i.e. the course, was not great.

First year; Maths = painful (standard), Economics = less painful and mildly interesting (bearing in mind I'd never done it before, this was a nice surprise). Fail first year, check. Warning bells were almost definitely going off in my head, but university is university, and a good degree is a good degree, so I powered through. Pass first year a year later, check. Hate every moment of it, check. Stupidly carry on to second year, check.

As you can see, I have made some fantastic choices over the past three years.

Having realised the massive mistake I was making and how unhappy I'd become after doing all this, my natural conclusion was to stuff it. And stuff it I have.

Now I'm spending my days trying to get a job, sort out work experience, get some volunteering sorted as well as trying to work out what I want to do with my life. Not an easy task, but one that, at the minute, I enjoy doing. It hasn't got to the soul-crushing stage yet.  Two weeks down the line I'll no doubt be tearing my hair out, crying, and generally wondering why I decided to ruin my life. I look forward to it.